June 2022 marks 53 years of the Stonewall Inn riots. The spontaneous, uncoordinated uprising of people who were ‘different’ – “short-haired women and long-haired men”, a newspaper story said. The demonstrations were against the police, the demonstrators – all sorts of queer people AKA LGBTQIA persons AKA your friendly neighbourhood queeps.
This was America in 1969. Since then, America has moved towards legalizing gay marriage, adoption rights for same sex couples, anti-discrimination laws, and, of course, marketing Pride Month to the rest of the world.
It’s 2022, looks like we have adopted Pride Month too… Companies splash rainbows on their logos, celebrate internally as a part of their employee branding/D&I initiatives and make ads that feature LGBTQ people (albeit from the lens of an outsider) Things have been moving in humarah Bharath, here is a list of Did-you-know’s:
– Homosexuality was criminal in our land of the Kamasutra until September 2018. We inherited the homophobic Section 377 from uptight Victorian Brits. Read more about it here – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Section_377_of_the_Indian_Penal_Code
– In the same year, a wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing bill was unleashed with no consultation with the trans communities – the “draconian and discriminatory” Transgender Persons (Protection of Rights) bill was passed in the Lok Sabha followed by the act of 2019, disguised as an act to “protect” Trans people. Read more about it here – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_Persons_(Protection_of_Rights)_Act,_2019
– Intersex – the I of the LGBTQIA remains largely invisibilized – by the law, by the medical community and society alike. Read more here – https://www.reuters.com/article/us-india-lgbt-intersex-idUSKCN1V52M0
– Although, ignorant Babas in the country continue to find a cure for the “deviance”, here is Justice Anand Venkatesh of the Madras High Court leading the way with humility and a scientific approach. – https://www.livelaw.in/top-stories/lgbtqia-homosexual-gay-lesbian-madras-hc-anand-venkatesh-overcome-prejudice-175342
While the powers that run the world go back and forth on our rights, the LGBTQIA+ community struggles with finding acceptance, love, belonging, and the freedom to just be.
Here’s one last Did-you-Know: The opposite of Pride is ‘Shame’ – Pride, in a way, is the survivor of shame.
If you are here looking to be an Ally, Thank you! Do read on to understand what it means to be one. and here is a superb history lesson by Anish you definitely won’t find in the textbooks. Watch!
Welcome to the Rainbow army as an ally!
Ally (noun): An ally is a heterosexual person who supports equal civil rights, gender equality, LGBT social movements, and challenges homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia. An ally believes that LGBTQ people face discrimination and thus are socially disadvantaged.
So let’s get you ready for this colourful journey!
What do allies do?
- They believe that the LGBTQ+ movement is important
- They speak for queer rights openly, irrespectively
- They do not speak for queer people
- They join the movement in person- walk Pride marches, connect with queer activists and support groups, keep abreast with queer news and homophobic atrocities
- They try to understand the gender and sexuality spectrum to understand queer identities better
- They don’t try to peg down or assume one’s gender or sexual identity
- They advocate the rights of queer people to be identified and addressed the way they want to
- They speak up if they encounter homophobic jokes, comments or slurs
- They try to speak inclusively (tips shared)
- They make themselves visibly queer-friendly to be approachable. A sticker or a tiny Pride flag at their desk could suffice
- They don’t ask to be educated, instead they continue reading, learning and asking questions to real queer people
- They understand and practice complete consent
- They listen and try to not appropriate
So many terms! Here are some important ones for you…
Cis gender: A person identifying with the assigned gender and birth sex
Non-binary: People who do not identify as a binary gender of man or woman
Fluid: A person with no fixed sexual orientation or gender identity
Transition: A process transgender people go through called ‘sex affirmation’ to be in the body they want. It includes counselling, hormonal treatments for years and surgeries. Not every transperson goes through all the stages till the end. Some don’t ever transition physically.
Gender-neutral: A space or situation that is not specifically for any gender, e.g. Gender-neutral restrooms, titles, clothing, public and service spaces, job roles etc.
Heterosexism/ Straight-washing/ Heteronormativity: A cultural bias that considers being straight the norm. When you first meet someone, do you automatically assume they’re straight? That’s heteronormativity.
Intersectionality: The understanding of how a person’s overlapping identities — including race, class, caste, religion, sexual orientation and disability status — impact the way they experience oppression and discrimination.
With gendered words, we perpetuate stereotypes and exclude minorities. How lovely it would be to focus on the meaning of a word, without the gender specification bound to it! Here are some examples which are more inclusive:
– Partner instead of girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife
– Parent instead of mother/ father
– Sibling instead of brother/ sister
– People/folks/everyone instead of guys/ ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys
– Person instead of man/woman
– First name instead of Mr./Ms./Sir/ Ma’am
– Un-gender professions – Chairperson, Actor, Poet, Delivery executive, etc. (We seem to manage fine with Doctor or Pilot or Writer, why can it not be the same for all professions?)
Some quick reminders:
- Queer people have an inherent defense mechanism in place, having faced constant discrimination. Be patient and empathetic.
- Go slow, please watch out for their comfort and personal space
- It’s okay if you don’t understand something… Ask, don’t assume
- Do not gossip if they share something in confidence, this can lead to outing
- Don’t bombard them with questions, listen more
- Do not insist that they trust you, earn their trust with your behaviour over time
- Do not say “This a safe space”, instead ask “Do you feel safe here?”
- Do not inquire about their past identity unless they bring it up
- Don’t probe to understand their familial relationships more than they wish to share
- Introduce yourself to the newbie, go for a cup of tea and chat with them
- Understand them as complete humans, they are more than just their gender/sexuality
- Ask for their preferred pronoun. Ask them how they identify themselves.
- Treat them the way THEY want to be treated
- Always check for comfort after a question, they decide whether to answer or not
- A warm, friendly gesture or touch can go a long way- try shaking hands warmly with a smile
- Be alert; look out for any kind of queerphobia
- When in doubt, call or write to Road to Utopia 🙂
Adjectives shouldn’t have genders! Go ahead and use them freely!
Beautiful, handsome, gorgeous, pretty
Loving, caring, nurturing
Sensitive, sensible, kind, strong
Patient, tolerant
https://www.un.org/en/gender-inclusive-language/guidelines.shtml
Don’t call yourself an Ally… that’s for queer people to decide, believe and behave like you are.
So You Call Yourself an Ally: 10 Things All ‘Allies’ Need to Know
Lost? Confused? Just ask or read, better both!
https://www.vox.com/identities/2019/6/22/18700875/lgbtq-good-ally